Three Tips When You Just Don’t Know Something on the Job

The term “imposter syndrome” is being thrown around a LOT these days. If you’re not familiar with the term, it basically means when you attempt something, you feel like you’re not qualified—usually on the job, and usually when you’re trying to lead or show high competency for a certain task. And I’m not saying I’m not immune to it—feeling enough is a frequent struggle for me internally. And, every single time I try something new I think, who in the heck trusted me with this?! I really can’t screw this up, so how am I going to make it through? How am I going to look good?

For me, “not knowing” something sparks a fear that I’ll be seen as incapable or unintelligent. But deep down in my gut, I know that isn’t true. I know myself better than anyone else, and when I put my mind to something, I work through whatever I need to get to the other side. For example, whenever I start a new construction management project, the design plans completely overwhelm me. There are just so many details. I’m a detail person, but phew. A 200+ page plan set printed in 4 point font will test anyone’s ability to dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s. However, once I literally stare at page, follow the index, and ask umpteen questions, it slowly gets better, one chunk at a time.

The struggle with imposter syndrome is what I think others will think of me. And I can’t control that. I know I can’t control that, but it’s difficult to remember in the moment. Imposter syndrome is also rooted in describing what I can’t do. Next time someone asks you to do something at work that you don’t know how to do, notice how you explain your capabilities to them. Are you telling them what you know, or what you don’t know? It’s so subtle, but often times we want to explain what we don’t know, thinking that will somehow convince the other person that we’ll eventually know. Put that in perspective: as well intentioned as it is—we don’t always want to “fake” something we don’t know—practically speaking, actually acting on imposter syndrome just doesn’t work. At the end of the day, no one wants to hear how incompetent we think we are. Especially ourselves.

To combat all this, I came up with three things that I can say to myself, or another person, when I’m caught up in imposter syndrome.

  1. I can learn. These three little words send a big message to someone you’re working with, regardless of their perception or expectations of you on the job. For one, it shows initiative – a job trait that never goes out of style. Self-led learning also demonstrates commitment – you’re investing your own time to add a skill to your repertoire. something new. And it shows confidence – you’re taking the lead on something you know is a priority, and you’re doing so without being asked.
  2. I can ask someone. Above all else, this concept promotes networking. There are some things you just can’t look up on the internet. For my job, there are project-specific details that only the client knows. These can be anything from opinions… how do you think we should handle the Contractor’s request for more money?… to technical specifications… if I want to check what the Contract says about weather delays, where would I find that? And it goes without saying, asking questions is so easy these days. Bonus points for you if you match the style of the person you’re asking: John likes texts, Jane likes emails, Taylor wants a phone call, etc.
  3. I can research. This may sound similar to ” I can learn”, but it’s slightly different. This is meant to be a quick action, like looking up an acronym you don’t know rather than asking the first person you see. It may sound small, but these small moments can be empowering. When you take the act of knowledge into your own hands, within reason, it can give you just the confidence boost you need to tackle a more challenging task in small bites. And on occasion, looking up a quick answer can give you brand new insights when it’s presented in a different context or from a different industry source than you’d normally seek.

The photo came from one of my jobsites when the Contractor proposed using the existing manhole base instead of building a new one. After much deliberation, head scratching, hand sketches, and reviewing the specifications, the Contractor demoed the base, and we paid for the extra cost to install a larger manhole to better fit the existing conditions. Our round peg, square hole situation looked daunting at first but turned out well in the end!

What It Means to Stay In My Lane

How much do you pay attention to the lane striping on a roadway? Unfortunately for me, I critique notice it a LOT from working in the transportation industry as a field engineer.

Double yellow, that’s easy: don’t cross into oncoming traffic. Dashed white, also called skips: lane changes are allowed. But I mean the finer details. Like when you’re merging onto an interstate, but there’s a long solid white line that slooowly turns into white skips. Ooh, gray area. I bet at least 90% of us cross that solid line before the skips. I can neither confirm nor deny my choice, given where I’m going and how heavy traffic is. These areas are tricky because the lane next to it looks open. So, can’t I sneak on over and be on my way?

The lane lines serve as boundaries of what we can and cannot cross. We don’t own the roadway, of course (as much as we’d like to, some days). And the more I studied “striping” as we call it in the engineering field, the more I began connecting this concept to everyday life. I’ve also studied quite a bit on boundaries in my personal growth, as the notion of it was completely foreign to me until a few years ago. Back then, aside from some obvious ethical boundaries like don’t cheat, I had very few personal boundaries.

I thought saying yes to everything and everyone was both encouraged and expected. “Be a hand raiser!” “Don’t miss a good opportunity!” “Fake it till you make it!” were the mantras told to us as young college students ready to change the world. Seldom were the phrases, “But do what’s best for you” or “But take the time you need to decide what opportunities fit you” added on to remind us to stay balanced. The main message was: get the degree as fast as possible to start making as much money as possible, and the rest will fall into place. An engineering fairy tale at its finest.

I’ve learned that boundaries give us language to say what works and what doesn’t for us, both in life and at work. I think this is really tough for women in engineering to do consistently, because we naturally want to help people out. Sometimes we put up a white solid line (do not cross temporarily) but find that someone urges us to change it to white skips (passing lane, come on in). Like when a manager moves up a deadline when we just admitted (or wanted to admit) we were burnt out and need a short break. Sometimes we put up a double yellow that gets completely ignored, like when we told our significant other that we need to reschedule dinner with the folks, but they forgot and now “we can’t let them down”.

Boundaries are tough, because often others can see our lines, plain as day, yet decide to cross over anyway. The reverse can be true from us to others as well. It takes commitment, strength, and love for ourselves to not only discover our boundaries, but also to hold them, especially with outside pressure.

One thing that took me a while to understand about boundaries is that love and kindness can break boundaries. My rule follower intuitions are so ingrained that default to seeing boundaries in black and white (or, yellow and white, if you’ve stuck with my roadway metaphor this long). We can set our hard lines, but we can choose to open them up and allow them to be crossed over, too. This choice comes from the desire to preserve our most precious relationships and partnerships.

The other thing I learned about boundaries is that it’s more important that I stay in my lane rather than peek over at someone else’s. It’s easy to do this on a road when cars are traveling so quickly; save for stoplights, there’s little time to really check out what the other person is doing. We can try, but a few seconds in, and we’re easily distracted away from our own destination that day. We can easily miss the green light on our side if we’re too focused on someone else’s green.

My own boundary lines help define my perspective of my life. I can choose how much to invest in a friend or coworker who may be temporarily struggling. I can pull over safely near their lane and help support them, but I don’t have to be “in” their lane, problem solving for them and taking over their car. They can get to their final destination better with me as a passenger, not the driver. Boundaries help me stay detached.

Maybe the next time you’re on the road, the road striping will take on a new meaning and new perspective for you. Maybe you’ll wait to merge before the white-lined gore on an off-ramp. Or if someone sneaks over the white line in front of you when they could’ve waited, you’ll smile and think of love and kindness. But if you honk, that’s OK too, since boundaries are all about owning our power and choosing what works for us.

An Invitation To… Kinsale, Ireland

A few years ago, my husband and I visited Ireland and fell in love with the town of Kinsale. Surprisingly when we mentioned visiting Ireland to friends who’d also been, this was hands down our favorite stop on our respective trips. “Wait, you’ve been to Kinsale, too?! No way! Isn’t it amazing….”

We stayed for one night but could’ve easily made this “home base” for our whole trip. Our Bed & Breakfast (B&B) host had endless recommendations for us. Join me as I reminisce.

Something I learned…

Charles Fort was the largest engineering feat of its time in the 17th century.

Kinsale is the southernmost port in Ireland. It served as a critical trade hub to the country over the centuries, especially in wartime, as it used to be the only port of entry to Ireland from the south. Charles Fort, built in 1601, was designed in the shape of a star to better resist cannon fire from those trying to threaten or take over Ireland.

While we enjoyed the history bit, we really soaked in the breathtaking 360 degree views, since Charles Fort sits atop the whole city. I was definitely more focused on the swathes of green grass blankets, intricate cobblestone walls, and sailboat-dotted shoreline surrounding us.

Something I ate…

Jim Edwards Restaurant has a scrumptious seafood dinner that won’t break the bank.

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Our lovely B&B host suggested we try Jim Edwards for our first and last dinner in Kinsale. We had an amazing four-course meal for the price of one expensive bottle of whiskey back home. I couldn’t believe the bill and thought they forgot a bottle of wine or something.

We got the works… stuffed mussels, pan fried fish, grilled steak, Irish cabbage, potatoes au gratin AND french fries, then dessert: perfectly rich, I-can-die-happy-now, chocolate fudge cake with vanilla bean ice cream.

Obviously, I insisted on sharing more than usual because “I didn’t get a good taste of those potatoes” (!)

This meal has a solid place on my top 10 all-time best dinners list. (What, you don’t have a similar list…?)

Something I felt…

Nonstop laughter for two hours on the Kinsale Walking Ghost Tour.

Another recommendation from our B&B host, we initially exchanged some looks at the mention of “ghost tour”. But, we soon found out this wasn’t a scary or “lame” tour in the least. We got to hear some of Kinsale’s best legendary stories that gave context to the rustic churches and dark corners we explored. We left with sore cheeks that night from laughing so hard

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We ended the night with night caps at Kitty O’ See’s down the street, where we slapped knees to a live band playing Irish jigs and tried our first taste of other-than-Jameson Irish whiskey: Tullamore Dew.

Wrap Up: Kinsale is a must-see

Kinsale is a very charming, very small town that you can easily get to know in a day. But stay longer if you can; the locals will treat you as one of their own the minute you meet. 

There’s so much more to tell, but I’ll leave that to you to discover.

What would give you a full mind, belly, and heart in the next city you explore? Follow more of my “invitations to” adventure at the top right of the page: Home > Travel+Bug.

I Took the Professional Engineer Exam Twice Before I Passed

Original post date: May 26, 2015.

Got my results and… drum roll please… I PASSED THE P.E.!!!!!! For those who aren’t familiar, the P.E., or Professional Engineer exam, is basically the equivalent or the Bar Exam for lawyers. It is an 8-hour, 80-question multiple choice exam that’s only administered twice a year (Spring and Fall). If you pass, you receive a license to practice engineering in the state in which you took the exam. And yes, most questions are math-based (!). Slight caveat: you can technically practice engineering without a P.E. license, but it is a well-known, industry-wide benchmark. Most engineering students dream about it early on and start watching that 4-year eligibility clock soon after graduation.

Anyway… from the time my P.E. application was accepted, my 1.5-year journey to becoming a licensed Professional Engineer did not play out as I’d envisioned. My journey took more time, but ultimately set me on the path I feel I was meant to be on: construction management.

When I started studying for this mammoth exam at the beginning of 2014, I prayed a scary prayer midway through my efforts. I felt prompted to ask God to not let me pass the P.E. exam that year, if I were to learn or gain something else in His plan for me. I prayed it once or twice and left it at that. After I took the exam in Spring 2014, I found out that summer that I did not pass.

So, not only did I study for months, but also per standard practice, I was forced to wait an excruciating 6 weeks for results. It was a hard season, full of doubt of what my next steps were. Should I take it again? (The 2nd time passing rate is not much higher) Where did I go wrong? (I put in the recommended 200-300 hours of study time) What am I doing here? (Unfair and dramatic, but hey, that’s what temporary pain looks like)

As I contemplated how this would impact my career, I took some personal inventory and ownership of what I truly needed and wanted. After inquiring about different opportunities and a few conversations with management, I made a big move at work and switched work groups. An internal transfer was not often pursued at my company; our main groups were siloed because we each provided very different services to very different clients.

In this new group, I landed an amazing project: working on a state-of-the-art fire suppression system at the iconic Eisenhower Tunnel. The second time around on the exam, I also decided to switch tracks from Civil: Construction to Civil: Transportation. This meant I needed to acquire new study materials, but it also meant I would learn more relevant topics for my job as an onsite Project Engineer on the owner’s construction management team.

Through these decisions, God affirmed for me how He placed just the right people in my path at the right time. Helpful managers who loaned me very expensive study materials for free. New colleagues who gave advice willingly and repeatedly. Supportive husband and friends who celebrated just the task of taking the test (again) and took me out for drinks afterwards (again).

It’s worth mentioning that when I didn’t pass in 2014, I soon realized I needed to collect myself before hitting the books again. Waiting a whole year to try again paid off so much for a few big reasons: 1) it’s way easier to study in the winter when it’s cold outside (hello, summer distractions—where’s my patio weather crew?!), 2) I wouldn’t have known then, but switching exam tracks was ultimately the best choice for my career interests and skills, and 3) I would not have had the access to study materials I needed by Fall 2014, since that’s when I officially transferred and switched work groups.

On May 26, 2015, and still today, I am grateful to Jesus for this experience and equipping me to achieve this goal, despite failure the first time around. I am grateful to have the most caring friends and family in the world. I am grateful for the MANY professionals who can relate to my experience, whether near or far, knowing the sacrifice, diligence, and sheer willpower it takes to study for months on end. Looking back now, 5 years later, I learned a significant amount of technical material that I rely on in my career today, a lot of which I was not exposed to in my undergraduate courses.

Side note: the second time I took the test, I did pray repeatedly that I would pass… 🙂